Wednesday, August 25, 2010

When people are just rude

I am feeling quite low today, having received two rather shocking emails so early in the morning.  The first one was actually a comment made on my Messenger Bag tutorial post.  I had deleted it because I felt it had a toxic effect, but just for the purpose of discussion, here it is:

I would have preferred to contact this person personally but she had left no means of getting in touch with her.  I would have asked her what problems she encountered in her sewing.  That particular tutorial is the most accessed out of all my free tutorials in this site.  I have received a whole lot of emails from people who have successfully made their bags using the instructions.  The problem with some people is that they do not bother to read through the whole procedure before they start sewing.  I particularly stated in the beginning of that tutorial that "as a prerequisite to this project, you need to know how to install magnetic snaps and make zippered pockets".  I deliberately omitted these parts because explaining them would make the whole thing too long.  To compensate, I did include links to other tutorials tackling the things I skipped. If anything else was missing or unclear, all she had to do was ask and I would have helped.  Am I to blame then that her expensive fabric went to waste?

The messenger bag tutorial was one of the very first I ever made (more than two years ago).  I was not an expert sewer then and still, am not an expert sewer now.  My assumption has always been that, if I can do it, you can too.  Ultimately though, you are the best judge of your own skill level. 

The second blow I got today was from an eBay seller from the US.  Yesterday, I excitedly received my auction win in the mail.

According to the eBay listing, this cake pan set was supposedly made in the USA by CM Products, Illinois.  I inspected and inspected the box and the contents but nowhere was it marked as such.  What I found instead was this small sticker...

Made in Taiwan, ROC.  Not that I had any problem with that...the pans seemed of good quality anyway.  I felt though that I had to let the seller know.  I gave her a neutral rating with a feedback saying: "Item very well packed and received quickly, however, description was inaccurate".  Was that unfair?  Should I have just given her a positive rating despite? Maybe I shouldn't have left any feedback at all.

I immediately sent the seller an email to explain why I gave her the neutral rating.

"Just wanted to explain why I gave you a neutral feedback rating. The cake pan set is not made by CM Products, Illinois, as indicated in the listing. Nowhere in the box does it say that. There's a small sticker on the divider that says Made in Taiwan, which explains why the writing on the box had a lot of grammatical errors and wrong spelling! It does make a difference to me if it were made in the USA.

The cake pan set seems good quality anyhow and would hopefully withstand years of baking. Thanks for shipping quickly."

- heartofmary

Did that in any way sound offensive to you? Because I didn't mean to be at all. To tell you the truth, I wasn't prepared for the reply I got...

"The Immaculate Heart of Mary is very dear to my heart and my family ....

I am upset that you actually use her name and then make up lies about my product .... You received the item EXACTLY as pictured ... at a very REASONABLE price ... PACKAGED and SHIPPED PROPERLY .... I did not make up the words CM ENTERPRISES ... this is the information provided on either the product or the box ...

Your words are BLASPHEMY because you purchased it using the name of our LADY ....

You LIED for everyone to see and did not give me a chance to respond to your problem.... I would have refunded you 100% and let you keep the pan....... Honest sellers in this new age of eBay are at the mercy of buyers .....

I ship at least one item a week Down Under and have NEVER EVER been so disrespected from any of your countryman .....

My husband is a U.S. MARINE and spent some time in you beautiful country on his way HOME from combat in Viet Nam .....

I can not express how hurt I am that you could not have been up front with your problem on something that is as simple as a cake pan ....

We are 71 years old .... the money we make supplements my husbands retirement pay from the U.S.MARINE CORPS .....

GO BACK and look at my listing .... does it in anyway say that I was dishonest or trying to trick you ???

God Bless You and I pray you be more upfront with folks who are honest Sellers on eBay ..."

I could not imagine that a 71-year old would speak to me that way.  First of all, my eBay username "heartofmary" (as is the title of this blog), has absolutely no reference to the Virgin Mary.  My real name is Maria Corazon, which are Spanish for "Mary" and "Heart".  Secondly, never did I accuse her of being a liar, of being dishonest or trying to trick people.  Yes, the item was as pictured.  Yes, I won it at a reasonable price. And yes, it was properly packaged and shipped.  What I only pointed out was the inaccuracy in the description.  Why would I lie about those things?  What for?  Except for the sticker, there truly wasn't any indication of any manufacturer's name on the box or on the cake pans.  I will never ask for a refund because as I said, the pans seem of good quality (regardless of where it's made) and I will bake with them all I want!  

So sorry I had to bombard you with all that.  I had to let my feelings out and there's no one here to talk to at the moment.  All of a sudden, I am missing my family back home...and my mom...and am just getting all teary-eyed.  Tell me, why can people be so rude?

PS.  Last day to enter the GIVEAWAY!


  1. oh. my. gosh.

    you have been treated very unfairly and in such an unkind manner. the person who made you tutorial, as you say, made their own mistakes. i have not used the tutorial myself but it looks of quality enough for her to have made her item had the the skill. as for the "you cost me $55".. at first I thought she had bought a pattern from you and I was thinking "sheesh, pricy pattern" but you made no money, you offered this tutorial for free and her words were uncalled for. As you say, some constructive criticism would have been far more helpful. if she had trouble with something you could have helped, had she asked!

    as for they eBayer.. just wow! i thought your neutral was rightly deserved from the information you have given. i guess she sees the term "inacurate" instead as "lied", but even so.. it appears she did and you were polite about it. the fact you then took the time to send her a nicely worded email to explain why, and didn't once bag her or her product and for you to get such an email? there are some very unkind people out there. not to mention her religious rantings. i personally would forward both emails to eBay for them to see. and how 'bout the guilt trip she laid on thick! you didnt ASK for a refund, so you're in no way damaging a supplementary income to a supposed 71yr old, and how does your email reflect all Australian's? as a fellow Aussie I wanna email the woman in defence lol.

    Hope your day improves *big hugs*

  2. WOW. I don't know you personally, but I enjoyed making a bag using your messenger tutorial - very well done! I did read the entire post 2 times before cutting anything just to be sure I understood all the steps.
    that ebay seller, well, not much to say except RUDE!
    hope the day ended better... and tomorrow is always fresh...

  3. be honest, I don't think you were at fault. I do think that they will realise they are in the wrong... sooner or later. Only God will know how guilty they feel. Forgive their transgressions..and forget.

    Keep well, Mary!

  4. What a horrible day :( I haven't used that pattern but have used other patterns from you and have had absolutely NO problem following it.

    As for the cake pan. I think you were very polite and you certainly didn't have to explain why you left the neutral feedback. To go on a personal attack was just rude and uncalled for you.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Hugs.

  5. I am sending you big hugssssss :) What horrible people you had to deal with today. They are really rude and ignorant. The one who wasted $55 obviously needed to vent and you just happened to be the one...dont take it to heart and just say 'Well thats her path she is walking on at the moment". As for the Ebayer...well all I can say is what a rude horrible ignorant difficult woman she is. If I was you I would put paypal onto her as I am sure thats how you paid for the falsly advertised item. It is an offense to sell things on ebay with a false discription. I have had a couple of items refunded because they were not what was discribed as. Just remember not to deal with her again and send her love as she obviously needs it ....she sounds very depraved to me. Hugssss Corinne ...dont let these rude horrible people get to you. Hugs Vicki

  6. That eBay woman has more problems than mis-representing her sales - wow - that is one crazy response from her !

    People out there are not nice but you must not let it bother you !

    I LOVE the messenger bag !

  7. That sucks to get two bad and unfair messages in one day. The first woman obviously just needed to be pissed that she screwed up her bag and took it out on you (since she left no way to contact her and she obviously didn't want help with her mistakes), The second woman... who knows? Maybe she is a very defensive person and just took the first email the wrong way (although I don't really know how, but sometimes these things happen).

    Just know that you have other internet people who really like what you have to say (like me), and try to brush the bad people off your shoulder. Hope you feel better!

  8. it's easy to be rude to someone in cyberspace, apparently. Both of the parties are angry with their own shortcomings and directing that blame at you--not playing fair! And I definitely think that your pan should have been labeled correctly--if this woman's husband was a Marine, then she should care about American made products as well! A neutral rating does not affect the overall rating so it sends the message, "i'm not happy about X but not to the extent that it should damage your credibility" so a neutral was rightly deserved! Your heart may be wondering what you did to serve this barrage in one day but I think it's more a way for God to test your virtues of patience and understanding because He knew you would shine through and act as an example for them. Stand tall and shine!

  9. oh, it's so rough to hear those words. even more difficult when they all come at once. we've all been on the receiving end of these sorts of responses, i'm sure, and they definitely don't bring a smile to your face. while i've never used one of your tutorials, if i were to use one and have difficulty, i would contact you first! and you appeared to be perfectly justified (and civil!) in your response to the seller on ebay.
    what a shame.
    i hope your day picks up from here.

  10. Hi Corinne (((Hugs)))
    I am really sorry to hear about all this and I truly believe you acted in good faith and you have every right to feel hurt/upset.
    I would put it all behind me, say a little prayer for them and get on with my life especially enjoying my family and crafts and anything that makes me happy.
    Hope you day ends on a much happier note.
    Hugs & Blessings,

  11. Sorry your day was so bad - unfortunately you cannot tell where people are coming from in a typed response and if a person is in a negative mood as the ebayer clearly was, she could have read your message as being negative, who knows.
    As for "Ms-Fancy-Pants-Tutorial-Heather-gal" those types are put on this earth to make us laugh and wonder "are they really serious?"
    Thank you for sharing your creativity with us all and don't worry about those that don't bring you joy!

  12. Hi!It`s rough to heard those words,but don´t worry there are a lot people that love your tutorials and enjoying make them.

    take care!!

  13. I'm so sorry! I wanted to comment because I was just looking at your tutorial on Sunday. My sis in law wants to make a messenger bag and even though she wants to make it larger than the one in your tutorial, i remembered you had it and pulled it up and show her how a zipper + flap would work and use it as a starting point for her to explain what she wanted. So thank you for that! Don't worry about the clueless person. I am quite curious what she couldn't figure out, because I've made several messenger bags from various different patterns and they are very straightforward. What is there to not understand? Body, Gusset, Flap, Strap... ?? Also, why on Earth would she spend that much on materials? You need at most 2 yards of fabric, which should cost no more than $30 (SIL just spent $12...except interfacing which I have.) She's smart - she's trying out the pattern that she made on cheap solid color fabric before buying the pricey stuff.

    I've come across people just like the Ebay woman on internet forums. When they start attacking like that, out of nowhere, with the capital letters - they are crazy and cannot be reasoned with. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore! Made in the USA is important to me too, so I'm on your side!

  14. I know I wouldn't ever want to buy from that Ebay seller...what a stupid fool. First of all she listed it incorrectly. That is her own fault and she doesn't want to admit it. Secondly it doesn't have anything to do with her husband or who he worked for and what their financial situation is. She is selling something and misrepresenting what it is. Its very simple. Thirdly this has nothing to do with being Australian and anybody else for that matter. Dont feel bad Mary.
    You didn't do anything wrong...hugs Khris

  15. Hi Corinne, I had been away from your blog, and am just catching up. I think your projects, blog, etc...bring much joy and happiness. I'm sorry these 2 negative comments from others brought such heartache. My advice is to focus on the positive ones and once you've tried to make peace(which you tried to do with your follow ups to them), forgive and move on. Their hearts need to forgive, too! And one of them did. Pray for the other. I think she wrote it all on impulse. I say keep up your wonderful work, and be yourself! You have a good heart!!!! Nancy

  16. I'm so sorry that you had these two experiences! I have used your tutorials and patterns before and the first woman's response was WAY out of line. Lack of experience on her part does not necessitate responsibility on your part especially since you are very clear in the begining of the necessary knowledge! As for the second event, you would be amazed how many people will use their "spirituality" to their advantage. You did nothing wrong. Your wording was very neutral and you more than met her half way! Shake it off and remember that these people may have had an agenda. They may have been having a bad day and decided to "share the wealth" so to speak. Know that you have done nothing wrong and only tried to be pleasant in your response (on the second) and efficient (on the first).

  17. Oh my. I've stopped by your blog a few times but never posted. I've got your messenger bag tutorial printed out but as of yet haven't tried to make it (it's on that giant to do list we all have).

    Anyway, after reading this I just wanted to say I hope you didn't let either comment bother you for long. People are foolish. After working for a website for several years I can say that the internet is everyone's excuse to be the absolute jerk they won't dare be in real life.

    I know your messenger bag pattern is incredibly popular. You can't help it if someone doesn't know how to follow directions or isn't very experienced. That seems like an awful lot of money to have spent on the bag. I just made myself a really large bag using Echino fabrics (chaching!) and all told I spent $30 on supplies so they either got ripped off in their buying or are full of it. Either way, it's a free tutorial! Honestly. If it didn't work out for them they can chalk it up to learning, their comment was 100% unnecessary and stupid.

    The Ebayer sounds like, well an ass. I doubt they're actually who they say they are and given the absolute rage they seemed to fly into over your very polite feedback and email, I'd say they know they were caught in a lie. Generally people who are actually trying to be honest don't fly off the handle like that. Had it been me, I would have been all apologies and trying to make it right. Through Ebay resolution the feedback could have been retracted right?

    After all, even the best sellers are going to have unhappy customers if they've sold enough items. It's just the way it goes. You really can't please everyone all the time. You can't fly into a fit if someone is displeased with the product they received. That just isn't the way to conduct business.

    So, I'm very long winded but I just wanted to say, don't even let that stuff get you down. Haters gonna hate. It's not worth your time to let it bother you.

  18. I wasn't going to comment, but as I went to navigate away, I found my mouse cursor on the comments field...must be an omen hey? Please don't let that nasty person commenting about your tutorial get to you....Must've been some expensive fabric that she was using to make the bag....I know for one, if I'm going to be trying out a pattern/tutorial that I'm not sure of, I make a mock one up out of the cheapest fabric (usually old sheets!) I have at hand to see if I actually do like it and can follow the pattern. I'm one of the worst ones for not reading a pattern through first....but ANY of your patterns that I've read through and/or made have always been precise and easy to follow.

    I first found you in Craftster, way back before I even contemplated setting up a blog, and you've always been approachable....which is what I'm now getting at....if I was following a pattern, whether bought or a freebie, or a tutorial, and got stuck, I would contact the writer or ask around (I'm in a few craft groups) to see if anyone else has made the item in question....and ask for a further explanation on the bit I was stuck on.

    I've only been sewing for almost 3 years now, and don't believe I've ever 'wasted' my time or fabric totally, on any project I've made.

    Whilst there's been some that I've made and not personally liked, it had nothing to do with how the pattern was written.

    Heather really needs to pull her head in, and try and write a tutorial or pattern herself just to see how easy it is to either leave bits out, make mistakes and/or assume that everyone knows what you're talking about.....then come back and apologise to you.

    As for the Ebay seller....remember you did nothing wrong...that's what feedback is for...for you to say how you were treated....yes you could've contacted her directly first, but I believe that far too many sellers are using their feedback rating badly....recently I've purchased (this year sometime) items from HK sellers who both in their listing and with the item they ship, put in their that if there's a problem, contact them about it BEFORE leaving feedback...which is wrong....if they were listing items accurately and shipping them as stated, then why would there be a problem.

    In your case, the seller seems to have a hang up about your username, which I'm sure you've purchased lots of things under that name, and never been accused of using religion in vain....forget about her hun....she's just not worth it.

    Just remember, Ebay have the feedback for a reason. It's not meant for people to go around being nasty to/about each other, but to give feedback about how your dealings with the seller were. I check out feedback ratings with a pinch of salt nowadays...because of those who ask you to only leave good feedback, and to contact them if there's any problems first.

    Don't ever change because of people like Heather and the Ebay're great, just the way you are.


  19. P.S. Sorry I hogged your comments for such a long one...forgive me???? Hugs Naomi

  20. I don't know why there are some people who are so ungrateful in this world, it is a free tutorial and she got the balls to blame you...sometimes there are people who go through their life blaming other people instead of themselves...

    As for the touchy ebay seller...she's lucky you gave her a neutral feedback...she got too personal, I think she scrutinize every single word and name she can get out of your msg/feedback and try to justify back it was your fault (even your name...heaven forbide!).

    You got an excellent blog going on here, and please don't be so down with this two negative people as you got lots of readers out there who appreciates what you are doing=)

  21. Hi Corinne,

    I came to your blog for the SMS giveaway, but now I have spent quite some time checking out your older posts. I have signed up as a follower, too.

    Anyway, I nearly couldn't believe that I read in this post... OF COURSE, you haven't done anything wrong or offensive!!! Well, I guess we all run into such rude people once in a while. When you look back at the episode now, doesn't it make you giggle at least a little bit? Just think of all the positive remarks you got -- and, hey, you won me over as a follower.

    Hugs from your new German friend,